What I've Been Up To

All right, so I promised to tell you all about what I've been working on, so here goes. I had a smaller shitload of things to do tonight than usual, so I decided I could afford to take a few minutes and blog.

Our first major assignment in my news writing class is to write what they call an "enterprise stoory." Basically, we just have to find something in the news, something that affects the community, and write an article on it. There are a minimum of 6 sources/interviews, and the piece is supposed to be about 1,000 words. This is due July 23rd, but we were encouraged to begin working on it immediately when we got the assignment (which I believe was either Monday or Tuesday of this week). I've already come up with my topic and a list of people I would like to interview for it, but I haven't made any attempts to contact these people yet. It's not that I've been slacking off, I just haven't really had time to get going on it. I'll get started this weekend, at the latest.

Anyway, the topic I've decided to write on is the recent increase in New York State's taxes on cigarettes. Naturally, as a smoker I have my own thoughts on this issue (although they probably aren't exactly what you would expect them to be), but I will strive to keep all bias out of the story. Besides, I can see both pros and cons to the issue, so I wouldn't say I'm exactly biased one way or the other. I intend to speak with members of the state legislature, assuming I can get them on the phone, including the assemblyman who sponsored the bill. I also want to talk to the New York State Smokers' Quitline to see if there has been a marked increase in people attempting to quit since the tax went into effect June 3rd. Then I want to talk to the owners and/or managers of at least two local businesses, the Mallard Tobacconist in downtown Syracuse-- which obviously must comply with the tax-- and the Onondaga Nation Smoke Shop, which does not have to charge the tax, or any taxes at all, on cigarettes because the shop is on a Native American reservation. Lastly, I want to conduct on-the-street interviews with Syracuse residents to gauge their response to the tax. Ideally, I want to speak with at least one smoker and one nonsmoker. Assuming I can even contact all these people, I may not be able to use them all in the story, since it can only be 1,000 words, so my scope is limited. Still, this is an issue near and dear to my heart, so I'm looking forward to the story and I'm optimistic that I can write a damn good one.

Some of the other assignments they've had us do in class have been interesting, as well. One day one of our professors came into class, dressed in a costume and pretending to be a redneck named Jon Smythe, who had just won the lottery. It was as if he were appearing at a press conference about his sudden windfall, and he took all our questions. Immediately afterwards, we went back to the computer labs and had about 90 minutes to write a brief news story about it. It was a cool exercise-- especially since my profess was hilarious portraying a drunken redneck-- and it definitely helped us experience being under the gun of a deadline.

The following day, we knew we were going to have a guest speaker in the class (a real one this time). It was John Batiste, a former Major General in the Army, who abruptly retired in 2005 because he disagreed with the way Bush and Rumsfeld were running the war, and he wanted the freedom to speak his mind. He now does a lot of public speaking about Iraq and writes op-ed pieces for various newspapers. He was a very interesting guy and made a lot of great points. His speech lasted a little over 2 hours, including the Q&A. After the speech, we again went to the computer labs and wrote a news story about it, which was somewhat more challenging because it needed to be longer than the lottery story and we had less time-- about 75 minutes, because the speech had run longer than expected. Even more challenging than the time constraint and the added length was the fact that I had taken about 10 pages of notes during the speech, and I now had to write a 750-word story about it. I honestly don't think my article came out very well-- it took me the entire time we had before the deadline, and I had a lot of trouble deciding which pieces of information to include in my article and how to organize it all. I thought it was by far the most challenging writing assignment I've had so far. But it was still a very cool experience.

My other class, graphics, is slightly less enjoyable than contracting double-lung pneumonia (which I have done. I'm speaking from experience here). Our current project, which is due at the end of the day tomorrow, is to make a one-page resumé for ourselves. This doesn't sound all that difficult, but they want us to do all this fancy graphics stuff with it, including making a "wordmark," which is sort of a logo for your own name. I understand that learning how to use this software and how to make an appealing design are good things to know, and they are things I will probably need to do later in my career, particularly if I go into editing, but I despise this project. Today we had a three-hour graphics lecture, followed by four hours in the lab to work on the resumé project, and the whole time I was in the lab I was wishing I could just leave and go work on something that actually matters-- the cigarette tax story, for instance. Tomorrow we're in the computer labs all day, beginning at 9 a.m., and the project is due at 4:30. I got a good head start on mine today (although I need to do some serious re-designing. My first attempt was sort of an abortion. I am not good with graphics.), so I'm hoping to finish mine well ahead of the deadline and get the hell out of there to work on more pressing matters. Or at least relax for a minute.

That's the thing-- as cool as some of these assignments have been, and as much as I think going to grad school was the right thing for me to do, I have been constantly stressed out all week. I don't think I've felt relaxed in like six days. I start working shortly after I get up in the morning, and I don't stop until I go to bed at night. And the work is never, ever done. Again, I suppose this is why they call the summer term "boot camp." Whatever, I'll survive. Unless the stress causes me to have an utter psychotic meltdown, which I am certainly not ruling out.

Oh, I almost forgot about the other project I'm working on for news writing. They assigned us to three-person teams earlier this week, and each team has to find a person in the area with an interesting/unusual job and interview them. Of course, it's a little more complicated than that. This isn't a standard print story, it's a multimedia story. So when we go do the interview, we will record it using a digital voice recorder (but not mine, a better one, which we can borrow from the University) and take photos. Apparently we'll be working on this multimedia project for quite some time, and the final product will be an online slide show with audio. Basically, playing the interview while pictures we shot of the person and his/her place of business accompany the audio. I think we may also record narration to introduce the piece, provide bits of commentary in the middle, etc. But I'm not sure about that. It might be just the interview. Which will have to be edited, of course, since the final slide show is only going to be like two minutes long. Sounds like a lot of work, but I think it will be pretty cool when we're done with it. Oh, that reminds me, I should probably email the other two members of my team and offer some ideas about whom we should interview, since neither of them has contacted me. No rest for the wicked.

Lastly, I want to share with you a piece that I wrote in (I think) April, shortly after I heard about the cigarette tax increase. This is-- obviously-- satire, and it would suggest that I strongly oppose the tax (even though I'm saying the exact opposite-- ain't irony great?), but that is not exactly true. I was just feeling bored and caustic one day, and for some reason I started thinking about Jonathan Swift, so I wrote this. I think it's somewhat amusing. Enjoy.

-Niz

My Modest Proposal
By Nick (Swift) Roberts

Recently, the New York State Legislature approved an increase in the tax on cigarettes from $1.50 to $2.75 per pack. New York was already one of the most expensive states in which to purchase tobacco, and this newest tax hike will make us number one with a bullet. The thinking behind the new cigarette tax says that higher prices on cigarettes will deter teens from becoming smokers, encourage current smokers to quit, lower health care expenses in the long-term by reducing the rate of smoking-related illnesses, and bring some much-needed revenue into the state government from those people who choose to smoke, despite the increased cost. So the government will simultaneously discourage the use of an addictive, deadly substance while selling that same addictive, deadly substance for a profit. I wholeheartedly support this plan. In fact, I see this as only the first step in a process that will ultimately increase the overall health and wealth of our fine state.

I propose we apply the same principle to other products that cause harm to the people who use them. Alcohol, for instance. True, alcohol does not cause nearly as many deaths as tobacco, but excessive consumption of alcoholic beverages may result in a number of health complications, including cirrhosis, liver cancer, birth defects, even gout. That’s right, gout. Alcohol also causes a number of societal ills. Alcoholism breaks up marriages, leads to child abuse, and causes easily preventable motor vehicle accidents. With that in mind, I suggest what I am calling the Six Pack Tax. This would be a fee on the sale of each and every alcoholic beverage in New York State, whether purchased at a store or in a bar, as well as a 75% increase in the cost of obtaining a liquor license. Undoubtedly, this will lead to a more temperate New York, and a much more profitable one.

I believe that once the revenue from tobacco and alcohol sales begins pouring in, our legislators will get even more creative. What argument could anyone make against legalizing all narcotics and other currently illicit drugs and imposing steep taxes upon their sale? Making narcotics so expensive that only the wealthy can afford them may be the only way to win the war on drugs in our nation’s impoverished and crime-ridden inner cities. And if our citizens insist on using narcotics, hallucinogens, and various other harmful substances, we might as well profit from it.

My proposal can be extended beyond just substance abuse. While tobacco, alcohol, and drugs cause many problems, the leading cause of death in the United States is heart disease, and the leading cause of heart disease is poor diet. We should encourage people to eat well by heavily taxing the sale of unhealthy foods. I hail from the Buffalo region, and we would surely benefit from a Chicken Wing Tax. Taxes on pizza, pasta, steak hoagies, burritos, and all types of confections wouldn’t hurt, either. I recommend imposing a $2 tax on every item purchased from the McDonald’s Dollar Menu. I’m sure our residents would embrace these measures, knowing they would lead to a healthier, thinner, happier and, of course, richer New York.

You hear an awful lot of talk these days about the environment and “going green.” Automobiles are one of the leading causes of air pollution and the current environmental crisis, so driving should obviously be discouraged. The cost of gasoline in New York is already 20 cents per gallon above the national average. This is a good start, but it is not nearly enough. We should raise the price of gas to $5.00 per gallon (and when the national average begins catching up with us, raise it to $7.00). People will drive less, our air will be cleaner, and our State Treasury will be fuller. And what a sense of pride and love will grow in the hearts of our residents, knowing they pay much more for gas than anyone else in the country, and are therefore doing more to combat global warming.

You see, the average person simply cannot be depended upon to make choices that are in his best interest, and in the best interests of those around him. That is why our elected officials must protect the people from themselves, by making it unreasonably expensive to make the wrong choices. And, since some people can always be counted on to make poor choices, regardless of unreasonable cost, the state will continue to turn a tidy profit as a result of our preventative measures.

The New York State government, which has always held itself up as a paragon of propriety, a chapel of chastity, a temple of temperance, and a model of wisdom and fine moral conduct, will now inspire other state governments, perhaps even the federal government, to follow our lead and pick up the mighty sword of taxation and wield it as the ultimate weapon against the problems of modern society.

As you may already be aware, the population of this great state has been falling in recent years. Many of those who leave cite the state’s economic problems, including taxes they perceive as too high, as reasons for their departure. We too often view this as a problem; I choose to see it as a benefit to the state. If these people are either unwilling or unable to pay the price for a cleaner, healthier, better standard of living, then good riddance. In fact, the more people who leave New York, the cleaner our air will be, the emptier our hospitals, the lower our crime rate. We could turn this state into a beautiful paradise, if only all the people would leave. And if they insist on staying and procreating and increasing our state’s problems, well, I suppose we can always eat them. Excelsior!