Sunday, December 28, 2008

NFL Week 17 Picks

Well, gang, here it is. The end of the line. It should be a very interesting day, as a lot of things are still up in the air. I can't remember the last time the playoff races were this tight on the last day of the season. Doing quick picks today, because I have a birthday party to plan. On to the picks!

St. Louis at Atlanta: FALCONS. What at unlikely rise for Atlanta. They could wind up the #2 seed in the NFC if Carolina loses to the Saints. I don't think they will, but just to be in that position is impressive.

New England at Buffalo: PATRIOTS. For the 11th time in a row. Kill me.

Kansas City at Cincinnati: CHIEFS. Taking the Chiefs on the road. Somehow, it seemed like the right thing to do.

Detroit at Green Bay: LIONS. Yep, you read it correctly. I'm calling it. Detroit gets off the schneid and into the win column. And the members of the 0-14 Tampa Bay Buccaneers team cry themselves to sleep tonight.

Tennessee at Indianapolis: COLTS. Not for any reason. It's a meaningless game for both teams, and I like the Colts better. That's all.

New York Giants at Minnesota: VIKINGS. Because the game doesn't mean anything for the Giants, and it means everything for the Vikings.

Carolina at New Orleans: PANTHERS. Over/under on Drew Brees pass attempts in this game: 47. Pick your poison.

Cleveland at Pittsburgh: STEELERS. So, the Browns haven't scored an offensive touchdown in 5 games, and now they're playing Pittsburgh. This should be fun.

Oakland at Tampa Bay: BUCCANEERS.

Chicago at Houston: BEARS. In overtime.

Miami at New Jersey Jets: JETS. And the Patriots win the AFC East. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Dallas at Philadelphia: COWBOYS. Just so we can see Romo and Wade Phillips go to pieces in the playoffs again.

Jacksonville at Baltimore: RAVENS.

Washington at San Francisco: 49ERS.

Seattle at Arizona: CARDINALS. With no confidence whatsoever. After last week, I'm not sure the Cards can beat anyone. But going back to the desert should be good for them, and the Seahawks are pretty bad.

Denver at San Diego: CHARGERS. Payback's a bitch.

And that's the season. I'll probably be back next week with some predictions for the playoffs.

-Niztradamus

Sunday, December 21, 2008

NFL Week 16 Picks

Okay, we're going to run through the picks quickly, because I forgot to do this yesterday. I was editing my new short story all day and the NFL picks slipped my mind. I plan to finish the editing this afternoon/evening, and then the story will be online. It's called "Consumed." I'm pretty happy about it.

On to the picks!

Indianapolis at Jacksonville: COLTS. Indy's on a hell of a winning streak, but for some reason I still don't expect them to get very far in the playoffs. But I've been wrong before and probably will be again someday.

Baltimore at Dallas: COWBOYS. Yep, missed on this one. I'm not surprised that Dallas had trouble offensively against the Ravens. I am surprised the Ravens scored 33 points. If they can get some production from their offense, they could be dangerous in January. Baltimore is one of three teams I could see going to the Super Bowl from the AFC. Who are the other two?

Pittsburgh at Tennessee: STEELERS. These are the other two. I'm really looking forward to this battle for the top seed in the conference. I picked the Steelers because I think they're a slightly better team, both offensively and defensively. But it wouldn't surprise me at all if the Titans won this game. In fact, if I were betting against the spread, I would have to pick Tennessee on principle. Last time I checked, the Titans were a two-point underdog. It's a rare day that you get the team with the best record in the NFL playing at home and they're not a heavy favorite, let alone an underdog. That's the kind of bet you make, regardless of circumstances. It will work out more often than it won't.

Cincinnati at Cleveland: BROWNS. I guess. I don't have confidence in either of these teams.

New Orleans at the magnificent 0-14 Detroit Lions: SAINTS. Come on, guys! Two more games! You can do it!

Miami at Kansas City: DOLPHINS. Miami will probably make the playoffs. And they will certainly get destroyed in the opening round.

San Francisco at St. Louis: 49ERS. Because they're better than their record. The Rams are not.

Arizona at New England: PATRIOTS. This looked like a promising season for the Cards, and they did make the playoffs. You've got to give them that much. But they're going to finish around .500 and I doubt they'll get a win in the postseason. This is one of my best bets of the week. Why? Review what the Cardinals have done on the east coast this season.

San Diego at Tampa Bay: BUCS. I'm holding out hope that the Chargers beat the Bucs and the Bills beat the Broncos, to set up a fun Broncos-Chargers game for the AFC West championship next weekend. But neither of those things is going to happen.

New Jersey Jets at Seattle: JETS. But they've been playing pretty badly lately. And it's a long road trip. You could see the Hawks winning this game, right? It will be weird to see Brett Favre and Mike Holmgren on the sidelines with no Packers gear in sight.

Houston at Oakland: TEXANS. I'll say it again-- Andre Johnson is a beast. And the Raiders make me feel depressed. I don't even like the Raiders, but I feel bad anyway.

Buffalo at Denver: BRONCOS. I wouldn't bet on this game either way. The Broncos are inconsistent, even at home (the Raiders blew them out at Mile High, after all), and the Bills are probably getting Trent Edwards back, which will help. Gibran Hamdan would have helped. Anyone but J.P. Losman would have helped. Still, the Bills have won exactly one game in the past two months, and that was a bizarre 54-point outburst against the Chiefs, in which Kansas City actually gained more offensive yards than we did. I'll play it safe and take the Broncos.

Philadelphia at Washington: EAGLES. The Redskins are in a freefall and McNabb has been excellent since the benching incident.

Atlanta at Minnesota: VIKINGS. Tough call. Once again, going with the home team and Adrian Peterson. (With Kurt Warner's Cardinals struggling, Adrian will probably hear those M-V-P! M-V-P! chants getting louder)

Carolina at New York Giants: GIANTS. I almost picked Carolina. But I think the Giants are just too tough, too resilient, to lose consecutive games and give up their stranglehold on the NFC. These are the guys who toppled the New England dynasty, after all. Coughlin says Brandon Jacobs will play, barring a setback before the game. That is very good news for the G-men.

Green Bay at Chicago: BEARS. Finally, an NFC North game that does not involve the Lions that seems pretty clear-cut. The Bears have played better than the Packers over the course of the season, and the game is in Chicago. But the way my picks have gone in this division all year, Green Bay will probably win.

All right, that's all. Have a merry Christmas, a happy Hannukah, a pleasant Kwanzaa, a bodacious Boxing Day, and an excellent winter solstice.

-Niztradamus

Sunday, December 14, 2008

NFL Week 15 Picks

Hey gang,

Considering the Bills have lost 6 of their past 7 games, I'm finding it difficult to muster up much enthusiasm about the NFL right now. But I shall continue picking, because that's what I do. I recommend this article on NFL.com by Nick Bakay, a pretty funny guy and Buffalonian. This article says pretty much everything I have to say about the Bills-Toronto experiment. On to the picks!

New Orleans at Chicago: BEARS. I actually remembered to make my picks in time for the Thursday game this week, and was rewarded with a 1-0 start, although the Bears made me sweat for it.

Washington at Cincinnati: REDSKINS. Washington has been struggling lately, but I think they should still beat the Bengals.

Tampa Bay at Atlanta: FALCONS. Calling an audible here. I had originally picked Tampa, but with two closely matched teams I might as well take the home field advantage, plus Jeff Garcia is injured and may not play in the game.

Detroit at Indianapolis: COLTS. Three more games, guys. Just three more, and you will be 0-16.

San Diego at Kansas City: CHARGERS. As disappointing as the Bills have been, the Chargers (or the Browns) might be the league's biggest disappointment. They looked poised to become one of the NFL's elite teams at the start of this year, and now they're not even going to win the weakest division in football.

Green Bay at Jacksonville: PACKERS. Green Bay and Jacksonville are also contenders for the "most disappointing team" award.

Tennessee at Houston: TITANS. The Falcons and Dolphins have been great stories, but I think the coach of the year award must go to Jeff Fisher of the Titans. People thought the Titans would contend for a playoff spot this season, but no one expected this. I still don't think Tennessee will win the Super Bowl (actually, I don't even think they'll get to the big game) but getting this team to 12-1 is an impressive feat, especially considering they switched starting quarterbacks early in the season and never missed a beat.

Seattle at St. Louis: SEAHAWKS. Earlier, I called the AFC West the weakest division in football. Looking at the NFC West, I might have to reconsider that position.

San Francisco at Miami: DOLPHINS. As you will understand after reading the Nick Bakay article, I hate Miami and always will. That's why it gives me satisfaction that, even though there's a good chance the Fins make the playoffs, they will surely get blown out once they get there. They've been on a hot streak lately, but I don't know if there's ever been a less impressive hot streak in football. They struggled to beat the Raiders and Seahawks at home. The Raiders. And the Seahawks. And they might have lost to the Bills if it had been a real home game for Buffalo.

Minnesota at Arizona: CARDINALS. One of the toughest calls of the week. But Arizona is tough to beat at home, Frerotte might not play, and I think the Cards are a slightly better team than the Vikings all around. Still, anything can happen when Adrian Peterson is involved.

Buffalo at New Jersey Jets: JETS. God, please just let it be over soon.

Denver at Carolina: PANTHERS. Denver's 8-5 record looks pretty good. Their 8-6 record won't look so good, especially after Carolina beats the living hell out of them.

Pittsburgh at Baltimore: STEELERS. I believe Pittsburgh clinches the division with a victory today, since they beat the Ravens earlier in the season. It will be a tough road game, but I think Pittsburgh can pull it off. When I said earlier that I don't think Tennessee will make it the Super Bowl, you might have wondered who I think will get there from the AFC. The answer: these guys.

New England at Oakland: PATRIOTS. But an upset is not out of the question. New England does not seem to enjoy the west coast. Can't blame them there.

New York Giants at Dallas: GIANTS. Should be an entertaining one.

Cleveland at Philadelphia: EAGLES. Philly suddenly looks like a good team again, but I think it's going to be too little, too late. Even if they go 10-6 (or even 11-5) they could miss the playoffs by a spot or two.

That's all for this week. Enjoy.

-Niztradamus

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Week 14 NFL Picks

Hey gang,

We've got some interesting games this week. The Steelers host the Cowboys, in what I originally predicted would be a preview of Super Bowl XLIII. They're both having good seasons, and it's still possible that one or both could make it to the big game, but Tennessee and the Giants have run away with the regular season and are the clear frontrunners from the two conferences. On Monday night, there's a big game in the NFC South, as the Panthers host the Bucs. And the Bills and Dolphins play the first regular season NFL game in Toronto. But let's not talk about that much.

On to the picks!

Oakland at San Diego: This was a no-brainer, but once again I failed to make my selections in time for the Thursday game. Beacuse I often lose track of what day of the week it is. I'm an idiot. I'm 11 games off the lead in the pick 'em league, and I would have at least 4 or 5 more wins (and maybe more) if I had remembered to pick on time. So it's not like I would be winning the league or anything, but it would be a more manageable and respectable deficit.

Jacksonville at Chicago: BEARS. Jack Del Rio, that seat's getting a little hot, right?

Minnesota at Detroit: VIKINGS. Obviously I'm not going to pick the Lions, but I'm starting to root for them. I feel bad for their fans. I know what it's like to root for a team that sucks constantly, and I wouldn't want anyone to see their team go 0-16. Unless the team in question was the Patriots, Jets, or Dolphins.

Houston at Green Bay: PACKERS. It's been a disappointing year for the Pack, but you have to think they win this one against an inconsistent team from Texas at Lambeau in December. This is the kind of game Green Bay ALWAYS wins.

Cleveland at Tennessee: TITANS. Rule: In the NFL you always, always pick against Ken Dorsey.

Cincinnati at Indianapolis: COLTS. Since I don't have much to say about this game, I'll just mention that I almost always have to double check to make sure that I'm spelling "Cincinnati" correctly. Even though I have a great memory for the way words are spelled, that one just throws me off. I'm constantly questioning whether it's a double "N" or a double "T." Okay, moving on.

Atlanta at New Orleans: FALCONS. Probably not a good idea to take a road team in this division, but I've been really impressed by Atlanta. There's a good chance it won't happen, but I would really like to see the Falcons make the playoffs. They're just a feel-good story. And I would love to see Matt Ryan immediately have more success than Michael Vick did in ATL.

Philadelphia at New York Giants: GIANTS. I wouldn't be shocked if the Eagles won this game. McNabb was superb on Thanksgiving, and now he's had a long week to prepare for the Giants. Plus wacky things happen in the NFC East, and the Giants have a major distraction, considering the Plaxico Burress incident. You know, this really speaks to the sad state of professional sports, but I didn't find that story surprising. I think I grinned a little, because it is pretty funny, but for the most part I was unfazed. I just went, "Well, at least he didn't shoot anyone else."

Okay, gotta rush through these last picks, because my parents called me while I was writing this, and now I've only got a little while before I need to leave for my friend Jon's ugly Christmas sweater party (because it's never too early to get drunk while wearing a hideous sweater).

Jersey Jets at San Francisco: JETS. But it's a road game, and these Niners are showing some pluck, so an upset isn't out of the question.

Kansas City at Denver: BRONCOS. But, again, an upset wouldn't be shocking because the Broncos are utterly unpredictable.

Miami at Buffalo: DOLPHINS. The Bills are in the crapper, the Dolphins are hot, the crowd in Toronto will be an unenthusiastic group of rich people, and J.P. Losman is starting. It all adds up to a victory for the Fins.

New England at Seattle: PATRIOTS. Mike Holmgren is really regretting his Seattle farewell tour.

St. Louis at Arizona: CARDINALS. Come on, Kurt Warner, I need a big game. I managed to get the last slot in my fantasy playoffs!

Dallas at Pittsburgh: STEELERS. You too, Willie Parker and Tony Romo (yes, my league starts multiple quarterbacks. It's wild)!

Washington at Baltimore: RAVENS. Because Ray-Ray is playing for a payday.

Tampa Bay at Carolina: PANTHERS. Because I was basically flipping a coin and Carolina is at home.

All right, that's it, that's all, that's all there is. By the time next week rolls around, my semester will be completely over. Good times.

-Niztradamus

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Project Gouda Blind!

Brian Edwards and I have launched a new writing project that we're collaborating on. Project Gouda Blind, baby. (The name of the project is a rather complicated story that is probably not as funny to anyone else as it is to us.) There are two different stories we're working on, and we've posted the first four chapters of one of them (the first few chapters of the other are coming soon, we're just finishing up the editing, and possibly adding some more content before we put it up). You can read more about the project and read the chapters by going here.

We have also set up a facebook page to promote the project and to keep our fans updated on new chapters, news on the Gouda, etc. Please go here and become a fan. It will help our literary street cred.

-Nick