NFL Week 9 Article and Picks

NFL Week 9: Everybody All Together Now-- J-E-T-S SUCK! SUCK! SUCK!

By Nick "fair and balanced" Roberts

Greetings and salutations. I am in an excellent mood this week, as I spent all day yesterday drinking and writing fiction. Now, I don't really condone spending an entire day half in the bag (or entirely in the bag), but considering I hadn't been truly drunk-- I define "truly drunk" as "incapable of operating heavy machinery"-- since sometime in August, I felt like I was due. And I find a little alcohol (okay, a lot of alcohol) is good for the creative mind. So there it is. The aforementioned horror story is not done yet (turns out it's going to be quite a bit longer than I originally thought), but it's coming along nicely. When it's finished, you'll be the first to know.

I don't usually spend much time discussing college football in the NFL article, for obvious reasons. But I think it's worth pointing out that the USC Trojans are really good. Granted, we have played a lot of profoundly terrible football teams, but you can't fake this kind of dominance. This season we have outscored our opponents 322-57, and that includes the game we lost. We have recorded shutouts in three of our past four games. Do we deserve to be in the national title game? I don't know. We have played a very soft schedule, and we did have the inexplicable loss to Oregon State. But I know I would pick USC against anyone in the country. Well, maybe not Florida. Florida scares me.

Moving along to the NFL, this promises to be an interesting week. We have one big AFC East showdown, Jersey at Buffalo, and another big game that still feels like an AFC East rivalry, even though it isn't (New England at Indy). These two games should go a long way toward determining who is really the team to beat in the East. It could also be a turning point for the Colts. They are running out of time to get their season back on track.

The resurgent St. Louis Rams, who came tantalizingly close to defeating New England on the road last week, have a chance to begin clawing their way back into the NFC West race, as they host division leader Arizona. It will also be a huge day in the NFC East, as the Cowboys pay a visit to the Giants. A Dallas win puts the Cowboys back in the picture (especially since Romo should be returning soon), while a victory by the G-Men would give them a strangehold on the division and the fast track to the #1 seed in the conference. Other exciting games include the Packers making a visit to the undefeated Titans (will the '72 Dolphins be popping the cork today?) and an intriguing interconference Monday night game, as the Steelers visit the surprising Redskins. If the Cowboys upset the Giants and the Redskins beat the Steelers, Washington will suddenly become a serious threat to steal the East away from the champs. That would be an interesting scenario, but I don't really expect either of those things to happen.

You'll probably be surprised to know that I handled the Bills losing to the Dolphins last week fairly well. Admittedly, I still have marks on my knuckles because I punched my desk at one point in the fourth quarter, but once the game was over I calmed down. I was much more disturbed after the Arizona loss. After that game, I thought we looked like a team that really wasn't very good, that had only gotten to 4-0 because of a soft schedule and some lucky breaks. Against Miami, I thought we still looked like a good team, just one that was making some idiotic errors and riding out some very bad luck. In the Miami game we took bad penalties, we dropped passes, Trent was uncharacteristically shaky, Terrence McGee was a complete liability at corner, and Marshawn Lynch wasn't himself (I strongly suspect he's been hurt for over a month). Basically, anything that could go wrong did go wrong. The game was an aberration. We had a bad day. It happens to every team.

All that being said, the Miami loss is still a cause for concern. Sitting at 5-1, with three straight division games coming up, we had a chance to take complete control of the division. We squandered that opportunity in Florida. Now we face a must-win at home against the Jets. It's not a must-win mathematically; we could lose and still be tied for first place, if the Colts beat the Patriots. But it's a must-win in a psychological sense. We need to prove to ourselves-- and everyone else-- that we are a legitimate contender in the division and that we can compete with these guys. We will need the confidence of a win over the Jets to have any chance of going into Gillette and beating the Patriots next Sunday. It won't be easy. Even though Favre is new to the division, he's still going to get up for an AFC East rival, and I expect him to play well. The Bills are also struggling with some injuries right now, especially on defense. But I expect the guys to rise to the challenge. I think Trent will put the team on his back if he has to, and I'm sure the Ralph will be jumping today, so that will make it harder on the Jets.

On to the picks!

Jersey Jets at Buffalo: THE BILLS. Discussed this pretty thoroughly earlier. Don't have a lot to add. I guess I'll just throw out a random prediction-- this will be a breakout game for Leodis McKelvin. I bet he picks off Favre at least once and, what the hell, I'll predict he runs a kickoff back for a touchdown.

Detroit at Chicago: BEARS. The Lions are just awful. I do not anticipate picking them in a single game this season, but you never know.

Jacksonville at Cincinnati: JAGUARS. On the other hand, I could see myself picking the Bengals at some point this season. But not this week. Without Carson Palmer, I don't see any way they can generate enough offense to beat the Jags.

Baltimore at Cleveland: BROWNS. Toughest call of the week. Neither team is terrible, but neither team is particularly good. I had to go with the Browns because they've been improving lately and they're at home.

Arizona at St. Louis: CARDINALS. As you'll remember, last week I ridiculed the idea of picking Arizona on the road. And I wasn't wrong-- they lost to the Panthers. However, they did put up one hell of a fight, and very nearly won that game. Considering Carolina is a pretty good team, I was impressed. I have also been impressed by the dramatic improvement of the Rams, and they played well against New England last week. I originally thought I would pick the Rams in this game, but the Cards are slowly winning me over.

Houston at Minnesota: TEXANS. Yeah, the Texans! Houston has quietly been putting together a nice run over the past few weeks, and the Vikings are dysfunctional. The seat under Brad Childress couldn't be much hotter. Andre Johnson of the Texans might be the most dominant receiver in the NFL right now, and I think most people who don't play fantasy football and/or live in the state of Texas are probably unaware of this. Well, no more. Stand up and take notice. He's the best Andre since Reed.

Green Bay at Tennessee: TITANS. If this game were in Wisconsin, I'd give the Pack a good shot at the upset. But since it isn't, and because I was very impressed with Tennessee's comeback win over the Colts last week, I'm going to predict that the undefeated juggernaut rolls on.

Tampa Bay at Kansas City: BUCCANEERS. I think anyone who drafted Larry Johnson for their fantasy team this year deserves some kind of compensation pick in next year's draft.

Miami at Denver: BRONCOS. Making this pick was harder than you might think. The Dolphins, clearly, are capable of competing with just about anyone from week to week. And there are serious questions about Denver (remember the blowout loss to the Patriots a couple weeks ago). But still, it's Mile High, the Dolphins are inconsistent, had to go with common sense and take the home team.

Dallas at Jersey Giants: GIANTS. I think the Cowboys will be a trendy upset pick this week, and I can sort of understand why. Strange things happen in rivalry games, and the Cowboys do have a ton of talent on their roster, even if they haven't really been showing it lately. But I just can't see them putting it all together and beating the Giants in the Meadowlands.

Philadelphia at Seattle: EAGLES. Philly has become sort of the forgotten team in the NFC East, but they're still capable of making some noise, especially now that Westbrook is back and playing well. Watch out for the Eagles, they're dangerous.

Atlanta at Oakland: FALCONS. It's a long way from Atlanta to Oakland, but I think the Falcons are good enough to pull off the long distance road win.

New England at Indianapolis: PATRIOTS. This is my favorite upset pick of the week. The Colts are actually favored by about a touchdown. Indy could certainly win this game, especially since emotions will be running high with the hated Patriots in town. But I just think the Patriots are a better team, even without Brady, and the Colts could be missing some key players (i.e. Reggie Wayne). Plus, it kind of seems like it has to happen this way, doesn't it? The Bills and Patriots both win this week, putting them both at 6-2 and tied for the division lead heading into next week's showdown at Foxborough.

Pittsburgh at Washington: STEELERS. The Steelers are going to be pissed after losing to the Giants last week, and they'll have an added boost with the likely return of Willie Parker. I still stand by my opinion that the Redskins are not as good as their record, but I do have to admit that Clinton Portis is having a monstrous year, and he may be good enough to carry this team back to the playoffs.

All right, that's all for this week. Hopefully I'll have some stuff to put on the blog between now and next week's NFL article. The horror story might get done, and there are a couple other things I'm thinking about writing, possibly something about Tuesday's election. But I make no promises. If it were up to me I would write fascinating content for the blog every day, but sadly I have other obligations. Enjoy the games and keep your eyes on the blog, because there will be new stuff coming, hopefully sooner rather than later.

-Niztradamus